CHALLENGE TO CHANGE

As always, I don’t know where to start from!

My mind has been racing between many social issues, especially with respect to women. Every day I open the newspaper/social media to see something good, but I end up seeing issues of rape, missing children and I ask myself the same question – Why the hell did I open the newspaper/social media, when I thought of not doing so just yesterday and I move on to my routine again.

I have been reading some posts/blogs/articles about physical, mental and sexual abuse on women in marriage. I want to talk about the sexual abuse on women today. I think it’s better not to say women, as even months old babies have also been subjected to sexual abuse. I wonder what pleasure one gets to abuse another person. Everyone talks about religion, culture, education, principles and what not….but very few really practice them. People like to argue about or take candle light marches or post hate comments on social media only to show others that they are matured enough to reject this kind of a behavior/act. I would say this is all just a makeover, to show some face that they don’t possess to the world.

A person on one end talks ill about women, about their insecurities, dependencies, physical appearance, ignorance, attitude while on the other hand, when something wrong happens, start shouting hang them, kill them…..No one deserves the right to shout sense, if their attitude is all nonsense. Change primarily is required within, then let’s talk about outside.

We see a girl and a boy talking and start making our own assumptions that they are definitely dating. They might be siblings or relatives or friends. But NO. Everyone starts giving their own opinion as if they have the best knowledge about others. Can we not leave them minding our business and taking care of our people? Our people include our friends, family, relatives, neighbors…

We see a married woman saying NO to have sex anymore with her husband, as she lost all desires while taking are of the family, children, household work, office work…. But no, the husband is the first one saying that the wife is useless and so is the marriage relationship is as she is no more sexually connected to him. Can’t we instead start sharing some of her responsibilities and make her feel strong and beautiful and ready to blossom from heart again? Is your love for her only physical/sexual? Does she not have a right to be loved for what and who she is and choices are?

I am literally fed up only reading to comments/posts that seek change. I am scared to be afraid every minute to be bringing up my children in such a cruel society. I hate myself ignoring all the shit happening around thinking, atleast I am fine and safe.

I want a society where my children feel safe. I want a society where people respect each other. I want a society which accepts their ignorance and embrace change.

I PLEDGE TO START THE CHANGE WITH MYSELF AND CHALLENGE EVERYONE TO DO SO.

Are YOU READY TO ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE AND START THE CHANGE?

I am MISSING….

I was a fun loving person, used to believe in living every moment of life. Yes, you read it right. I WAS…

I am happily married and blessed with two wonderful baby girls.

I love spending time with them, taking care of them, listening to their stories, playing with them, pretty much what any parent would love to do with their children.

The last over two and a half years, I was enjoying every minute of my life with them.

I was a full time home maker. My husband teases me by calling me a Personal Assistant to my children.

Now, I have started working. I love my job. I love the way my work place lets be maintain a balance between my personal and professional life.

I have got no regrets. But, wait…no regrets?

Before taking the break in my career, I had my elder daughter. Still I was fun loving. I used to walk, go on holidays, talk and mingle easily with everyone around.

I was one of the fun loving people in my circle, whose presence could be easily noticed and was unavoidable.

What changed now?

I don’t want to go on vacations, I am not able to talk and mingle freely with people around.

Though in a crowd, I prefer to stay silent and just observe and listen, but no talk.

I find it difficult to live and laugh the way I used to..

This career break has broken the fun loving me and turned me into a rather boring person, i guess..

I have stopped being ME and always think about family only.

I am trying to change myself, such that I could be ME….but, that ME is lost…can anyone help me find her?

Women to Win

It’s been quite a while since i had actually got time to pen my thoughts, couldn’t take time to pen them but keep to myself. But today something within me just could not stop me. So here i am to share what thoughts had been rolling over in me!

One of my friends spoke to me last evening and she asked “I am the lady of my home but am i really?” When i asked her what she meant by her question, she explained “I am the mother of my children, wife of my husband, daughter in law of my parents in law, sister in law of my brothers in law. I try to keep the family united as much as i can. I try to teach my children how to live in the world and not just survive. I support my husband and guide him through tough times. I cook for the family. I enjoy with them, spend time with them, try to do everything possible to keep them happy. Is this only what I am meant for? Is this only the reason for my existence?” Hearing this i wondered for a moment this is what we have been doing, everyone. I asked her “Isn’t it usual?” She smiled but said nothing. That was the moment i felt i got my answer. Her silent smile answered my question and made me think, think real hard as to what are we women for?

I understand and don’t deny that with the busy schedule we are in today, we don’t have time for ourselves. The family almost forgets us as humans and consider us as only parts of their life. We exist for all as they need us. Need holds us together and it’s not us who hold the family together. A man earns for his family – that is called his duty towards his family. He still gets time to chase his dreams and enjoy his hobbies. A woman earns to support her husband, do houswhold work for the family – that is called her duty towards her family. She still doesn’t get time to eat or sleep. Above everything she is almost everyday told by her some or the other member of the family that she doesn’t know this, she cannot understand or handle a situation, blah blah blah blah. Stop!
No one in this world has got a right to insult a woman, for that matter insult anyone. If one wants a better future for their family and teach something to their children, it should be only
– To respect and love every member of their own family first
– To sit silently and discuss things they don’t agree with and sort out among each other
– To not blame the family member in front of any other member of the family
– To be independent and confident

Think…

It’s often said that the woman of the family turns a house into a home. She is considered to be the teacher and preacher in the family. She can do this only if she is supported equally by her family. The more she is insulted in front of the rest of the family, the more she breaks and the outcome is always an unhappy family. Its often measured as her success or failure in the process and not as everyonr’s contribution. So,
Let us all try to look forward to establish a happy family and respect, love and give equal importance to every other member irrespective of their gender and age, and make her win as a daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, mother, mother-in-law, aunt, niece. Afterall its our family – the most precious and only possession that lasts forever.
I answered her after a long pause “We might had existed but we are born to and are going to WIN”!

Anamika – Story of a Friendly Girl

It’s been two years since the Nirbhaya incident had happened in the country. Yet it doesn’t appear that much has changed with respect to the required seriousness in this matter. We often hear people passing comments and giving away character certificates to the victims just because they think that the victim belongs to the weaker section of the so called society.
I would like to share a small incident that happened with someone I personally know to see the people’s reaction after these 2 years; however I am changing the names to maintain privacy.

There was a girl (Anamika) who was very outspoken, confident and extremely friendly. She had so many friends among girls and boys that she could adjust and live anywhere without any worry. One of her friends who was a boy (Ronny) and whom she and her entire family knew very well (rather assumed to know very well). Being friends since childhood Anamika trusted him and shared all her secrets with Ronny. Ronny always had behaved well. One day Ronny invited Anamika along with some other friends on the pretext of throwing away a party as he had recently got married and Anamika could not attend Ronny’s wedding due to some personal reasons. Anamika reached the venue on time and had been waiting for others for long. In the meantime Ronny had offered her a drink and they started talking until she realized that other’s might not turn up. As it was late and intimated at her place, she decided to sleep as it was very late already. Suddenly, in the middle of the night Ronny approached her bed and started touching her. Realizing someone touching her, she woke up immediately, screamed at him and ram away from his place in the middle of the night. They had been friends long and Anamika had always considered Ronny as her brother, friend but he crossed all the limits.
Today she wants to teach Ronny a lesson by screwing his happiness and showing him the place where he belongs to actually (Prison) but she is scared. People have already started as always talking and giving her character certificate. I have some questions to ask here:
1) If a girl drinks, is she considered to have a lose character?
2) If a girl talks closely and casually to a boy, why is she considered a whore?
I don’t feel that Anamika was at fault. I don’t think that it was wrong on her part that she drank or she was at her friend’s place over the night but I would definitely say that it’s Ronny’s fault who couldn’t value a relationship, a trust that he had earned from someone so long.
People these days tend to get more confident to do such heinous acts because they think that the girl opposite has a lose character but it’s time to make those boys realize that it’s not the girls who have a lose character but it’s their thought that’s worst and doesn’t deserve a place in the free world. Such people should be punished, no doubt about it but how? When?
We see people who are minors who have raped being sent to correction homes? I ask why send such ******** to correction homes? What do they have left to correct within them? Their morale is already dead. The punishments should be based upon the crimes performed but not on any age factor.

It’s high time that we all come together and let these morale-less sons and society know that it’s their fault that had led to so many females across the world suffer, spend sleepless nights, live in nightmares, fight alone for themselves.

WAKE UP PEOPLE AND LETS PLEASE STOP GIVING CHARACTER CERTIFICATES TO VICTIMS AND SHOW THE CULPRITS WHERE THEY ACTUALLY BELONG TO

 

I really need everyone’s inputs and suggestions…please readers do comment..!

Ek Phoolo Ka Bageecha

Dekha the maine ek sapna
Jisme phoolo ka bageecha tha
Kante the phulon ko chubte
Par patte dhak unhe rok lete
Hawa gungunati gaati jaati
Phoolo patto sang dhun bajati
Aasmaan mein chhaye badal bhi
Dhol bajate sur lagate
Sabko dikhta rangeen yeh bageecha
Phoolon ki mehak manbhati thi
Paani ki cheeto sang khelti
Charo or khushiya bikherti
Par ek din ek maali aaya
Patto ko yun mila gaya
Patte milte aur koshish the karte
Aur phoolo ko bachate rahe
Itne mein ek kali khili wahan
Patte bhi hairan reh gaye
Socha tha ki ab hogi mushkil
Kaante jo the muskura rahe
Ki jee jaan se koshish par
Kali ko na bacha sake
Phool toh dur kisiko dikhi bhi nahi
Choti nanhi kali murjha gayi
Aaj bhi us bageeche mein ab
Kaliya nahi khilti hain
Patte ab bhi karte hain koshish
Khile phoolon ko bachate rahe
Kya galti thi us kali ki
Jo us bageeche mein hi khila
Ya thi galti un patto ki jo
Kali ko yuhi bikharne diya

Farewell Poem

All are ours

Either Good or Bad

Happy or Sad

We all are One

Different Are None

We walked together

Holding Each Other

With Love and Affection

And feeling the Heart’s warmth

Telling each other what’s right and what’s wrong

Singing a merry song

With the very word depart

We used to cry

For all the harm I’ve done

I bend my head with shy

But remember –

You are not alone

There’s someone who cares

The one who always shares

Your days and nights dreams

Is still waiting for you

At her door

To welcome you

To sit with you

To talk to you

To understand and help you

Thank you!

WHY and UNTIL WHEN

We all watch TV. We watch movies, news, sports or daily/weekly soaps.

Recently in one of the TV channels, a show started named HEROES. What does the title indicate? Any program talking about the strong? Yes. It’s a show that talks about the hidden strength in a female which on various occasions (majorly eve-teasing and sexual harassment) has come out and she fought to win.  This show made me ask myself one question: “Why and until When?”

Every day across the world we read, hear and see men harassing women. The moment a female steps out of the house, her family prays for her safe return. We believe to live in a society that is educated, well cultured and respected. If so, then why are we still scared? I remember the days when i was young and my mother was equally scared and she used to come to the bus stop to pick me up every evening. I have a daughter today and I am reminded by people around me always to be careful as the world is no more a safe place for a female to live. I have recently come to know that on one hand a 90+ year old woman and on the other hand an infant was sexually molested at different instances. A molester is not bothered about the age of the victim. All he is bothered about is what he wants. Have we ever wondered Why does this happen? 15 months ago, Nirbhaya was one of the fights which the whole nation fought together. The day the people of Delhi were busy in a rally fighting for justice delivery in Nirbhaya case, in a place adjacent to Delhi, there was another gang rape reported. What gave the the strength to do such a heinous crime while people were still fighting for justice in a similar case.

Seeing all these around us, can’t we stop for a moment and think once – WHY and Until WHEN?

I ask myself the same question everyday now and my answer is:

WHY – Because We learn to tolerate and remain SILENT.

Until WHEN – Until We come and fight together.

If we remain silent, this would never stop and all our generations would never be safe. I have decided to raise my voice against any harassment around me and so I don’t worry much about what everyone says. I have promised to myself to give my daughter and all my future generations a safe and worry-free living. I will support all justified causes to help a woman fight and join hands with each-other to come forward and for a free and safe future.

Some might read my article just for the sake of it. I request all to kindly contribute to this article and support the fight for a safe living.

Are we Independent?

Today, the 15^th of August 2013, the whole country is celebrating India’s Independence Day. Indians across the world wish each other Happy Independence Day. I switched on the television and in every channel it’s the same; either patriotic songs or flag hoisting ceremony or speeches. Wanting a change I logged onto the social networking sites. It’s the same there again.

 Independence Day/15^th August is no more than a Holiday for most of the people.

I agree that Independence Day every year should be a holiday.

 Wait a minute!

 Why are we celebrating Independence Day? Are we really Independent? If no, what is Independence day all about then?

 I am working today as I don’t think we are Independent yet. The British rule has ended indeed but we are still not independent.

 We don’t have the freedom of speech, freedom to think, freedom to live and survive then what are we free of?

We don’t get tired of cribbing, making fun of and commenting or dictating on each other but we celebrate Independence Day. Are we really Independent?

 I would like to share a small incident that happened with me the other day . . . .

 I was getting late to work and was in a rush. My husband was dropping me that day on his motorcycle. Midway, I saw a blind man waiting at the bus stop and trying to get into a bus. The bus driver did not know he was blind as there were youngsters standing on the foot-board. There were a good number of people with him in the bus stop. No one dared to stop a bus and help him get in. I was feeling very bad for being unable to help him looking at the time constraint.

 We live in a country where we talk about the emotions and sentiments but don’t bother to take a step forward and lend a helping hand and we are talking about Independence Day.

 The day when the country has got people respecting each other, where the people are free to breathe, talk and express their views and feelings, where one wants to live and let others live peacefully and happily, where people need not worry about tomorrow’s expenses, that is when one is truly respecting Mother India.

 I would not celebrate Independence Day until my Mother India gets the respect she deserves . . . .

 Jai Hind….!!!!

Bas Yehiin Hai Dua

तेरी सासों में मेरी खुश्बू हो

बस यही है दुआ, बस यही है दुआ

मेरे आँखों में तेरे सपने हो

बस यही है दुआ, बस यही है दुआ

तेरी इक झलक पाने को

तरसे दिल मेरा

तेरे लिए ही अब धड़कता

है यह दिल मेरा

तेरे होठों पे मेरी नर्मी हो

बस यही है दुआ, बस यही है दुआ

मेरी बाहों में तेरी गर्मी हो

बस यही है दुआ, बस यही है दुआ

LOVE – NO IGNORANCE !

Love – Some say it is just a feeling while some say it is much more than that. Some say it is everywhere while some say it is in-existent.

Does Love actually exist? Is it phenomenal? When is one in Love?

To answer any of the questions, one first needs to understand what is Love.

When a woman takes the pain of giving birth to her child, that’s love. When a man gives good life to their child by earning for their child’s future, that’s love. When children share their toys and lunch with each other and enjoy seeing the other happy, that’s called love. When people kiss each other to tell them that they are there for them and shall remain with them whatever may come, that’s love.

Love is unconditional. Love has got no meaning.

If someone asks us if we have seen the air, we say we haven’t but we feel it. We have never seen God, but we believe in him. We don’t know what soul is all about but we talk about it. Love is more or less the same. Love is something we can not see. It is a something we feel, believe in and talk about. We believe in love in some form or the other.

In today’s era, we talk more about only one kind of love, that is the shared feeling between two people (preferably from opposite sex). The confusion of what kind of a feeling they share is something that spoils their reputation. Unsure of what feeling a girl has on the boys in her life, she is considered a fun material. The same way unsure of what feeling a boy has on the girls in his life, he is considered a playboy.

It is very important to understand what kind of feeling they share between them.

How do one identify what feeling they have on the other, what is the relationship they share?

I tried asking my friend Google but in vain. I asked a couple of my friends their views on this and have got some responses. Someone said that it purely depends on the understanding they share between them while someone said – By spending time and observing them through heart, they can identify.

I realized that there is very thin line between the relations and feelings one carry. This thin line differentiates their feelings between like, affection, addiction, crush and lust.

A combination of all these emotions leads to love.

When a kid, every one of us had crushes. When we have a crush, we have a strong liking towards one or more features in a person; this is temporary though. We get to meet another person whom we find better than the last one and the crush passes on.

Affection comes from care and concern. Affection is a consequence of addiction because a person tends to think a lot about the other and automatically cares for them.

Any person would talk or move along with the other only if they like each other. If there’s no liking for each other, they would prefer not seeing each other.

Lust, as all know the dictionary meaning, it is the strong liking or attraction towards the other physically; a sexual desire.

So now again I ask the same three questions I had asked before:

Does Love actually exist? – Yes, love exists just like the air.

Is it phenomenal? – No it is not phenomenal but natural.

When is one in Love? – If a person had frequent crushes, or a long crush on the other, that leads to a strong liking and addiction filled with affection  and lust (want) for the other, it is pretty clear that they actually love them.

I hope all around would help their friends and family in understanding and exploring what feelings they carry within. It’s always better to be clear and transparent with one’s feeling than suppressing them as it not only hurts but also the very essence of that relationship or feel is lost and deprives each other from sharing such a wonderful feel.

No one should be ignorant of their feelings as it belongs to them and hence my two cents….